When your child gets to a certain age, everyone seems to expect that you’re about ready to start up the ol’ baby factory again. It’s like the inevitable question: now that you have one child, when are you going to have another one??? And at first, you kind of laugh and shrug it off – because hey, you haven’t even talked about it with your baby daddy yet. And then as your baby gets a little bigger, more people start asking you about it – more often. And it pretty much makes you want to pull your hair out. Because you probably feel like you really don’t KNOW when you’re going to be ready. Or you really just don’t want to talk about it all the time. Slash at all, until you actually decide to get – and find out you are – pregnant.
If I got a dollar every time someone brought up our next offspring, I could quite possibly have at LEAST $500 right now. Which isn’t quite a million. But it’s still enough to buy several pairs of shoes. People ask me constantly – so if you’re feeling like you’re getting a lot of have-another-baby pressure right now, trust me when I tell you that you’re not alone.
I’ve decided that my new response is to tell people this: STOP ASKING. And then change the subject. Because right now in this very millosecond, we’re not trying to get pregnant. That’s for a smattering of reasons, the biggest of which being we’re just not ready. I have lots of friends who have two young children that are close in age. They’re making it work – they’re amazing mamas. But I also know the sacrifices that they make to make it all work. And right now, I know that our family is not ready to take on any more than we currently have on our plate. There are definitely more reasons. Everyone in this position – whether you have no kids or ten kids – has a thousand reasons why they are or are not trying to have another baby in this very moment. BUT…
I’m going to tell you something amazing: the reasoning doesn’t matter. At least not to the people who don’t already know the answer to the question. I could say that we’re going to have six more babies because the sky is blue. I could say that we’re not having one because we’ve decided to move to Timbuktu. I don’t have to give a reason at all. Because the beauty of whether or not my hubby and I want to or are trying to have another child is that it’s our decision. It’s not our neighbor’s decision or a stranger’s decision or my sister’s decision. It’s ours. And whatever we decide – for whatever reason we decide it – is up to us. And we don’t even have to TELL anyone why we choose what we choose. Because when it really comes down to it, it’s nobody’s business but our own.
Now if you’re feeling overwhelmed because you just got married and your mom keeps telling you to get pregnant, or you recently had your third and want to start planning for the fourth right this very second but are afraid that someone will be negative about FOUR babies, or if your baby’s about to turn one and you’re not ready for another one quite yet, or whatever your motivation to be overwhelmed is:
Take a deep breath.
Now take another one.
And now, you’re going to empower yourself. And you’re going to KEEP your power – you’re not going to lose it when someone questions you about your choices in pregnancy and childbirth. Tell yourself that your family choices are your own. No one outside of your immediate family can have a say in your decisions unless you want them to. If you don’t want to share every bit of your reasoning, you don’t have to. Because it’s nobody’s damn business but your own.
Tell me in the comments: Do you get pressured to have a/another baby?