A week and a half ago, our life was shaken to it’s core. A nightmare collided with reality and left us completely shell shocked. We’re working towards a new normal – which, if we’re being honest, is something that I thought would take a lot longer to hit. It’s weird to do normal things. She’s always in the back of my mind.
Yesterday was actually so “normal” feeling that I forgot we weren’t pregnant anymore and tried to plan a date night with the hubs for next weekend. Until he reminded me that we have a memorial service for Addison. And it was like it all came crashing back down around me again. I don’t know when that stops happening. Probably a long way down the road.
Anyway. In the short time that our lives have changed, we’ve gained a lot of perspective on life. I feel I should look like an old, toothless woman with the amount of life and wisdom running around in my head these days. Losing a child forces you to instantly re-evaluate your priorities. And gosh, does it make you feel guilty about how you spend your time.
I know that I’m a good mom. I’m not trying to brag. But it’s literally one of the only things that I am consistently good at. But there are pieces of being a mom that I’ve really taken for granted. Playing with my little guy after work. Having dinner together at night. Being half of the imagination behind the boats and ducks and toys during bath time.
I’ve let my mind become consumed with things that…really, in the long run, aren’t important. I’ve let myself become so exhausted from life that I don’t always have super mom energy at the end of the day. And I get it. Life is busy. But really, life shouldn’t be so crazy that I’m missing out on those things. I shouldn’t be stressed out at the end of the day because I can’t let something go that happened during my work day. It’s really not fair to anyone, and it’s especially not fair to my little guy.
So what does this mean? Well, I’m not completely sure. I know that I need to re-evaluate my priorities. Figure out how I’m going to put a bigger distance between my child, my marriage and my health being number one and everything else falling behind that. I feel accomplished because I’ve decided to figure out how to make this happen. Now I just need to figure out exactly what the “how” behind the “making it happen” actually looks like.
It might be something that I can’t figure out today, or this week, or this month. It’s something that will probably just have to consciously evolve over the next few months. But here’s what I want to know: how do YOU make these things your number one priority? How do you stop yourself from letting other things impact your time with your spouse, your child(ren), your health? Or, if you’re like me, how do you WANT to prioritize these pieces of your life to be a stronger priority over…well, everything else? Tell me in the comments – because I could really use some of ya’lls perspective.